All Of Me

Today I said two things to my best friend that he demanded I put in the blog. So here they are:

"Last night, I did something really interesting with asparagus."

"Well, right now I'm sucking on a Wheat Thin."

Sometimes I say things that I don't think much of at the moment, but the listener turns it into a big deal. Or I say something that may sound a bit crass and winds up being either hilarious or offensive. Like the other day at a party, I said, "Oh yea, I saw so-and-so at that show, but that was before I was fucking him." I was standing on a patio with a whole lot of people, maybe talking to two of them, but at least 10 shut up and stared at me. The two I was talking to laughed because they knew I was kidding, and everybody else was just eavesdropping so I had to yell, "KIDDING!" Jeez.

This is a story kinda like that.

A couple weeks ago I was the MC at a showcase for unsigned artists, and some of the proceeds were going to benefit my friend Dax. I knew one of the bands playing, so a bunch of friends and acquaintances were there. One such acquaintance is a guy who has always been a bit forward with me, heavy handed on the compliments and a little on the touchy feely side. Now he's a nice enough guy, very intelligent, really good looking, but just doesn't do it for me. I've known him for a couple years and we've fallen into our little routine with each other where we talk a bit, he gives me a thinly veiled pick-up line, I laugh it off, game over.

This particular night he was very touchy with me. Finally, with both arms around my waist, he said, "Mo, why don't you just let me take you to a nice dinner? I'd love to take a fine woman like yourself to a really lavish meal. Would you let me?" Now this was actually a legitimate request, not like his propositions of old. I felt kinda bad and a bit embarrassed, and I said, "Oh, that's very kind of you, but I actually don't date anybody." He said, "Really?" Then he leaned back and said, "Do you have a man, Mo?" "Oh, no." Then he raised an eyebrow, "Oh, do you have a woman?" "No, no, " I replied. "I like the cock." He nodded and said, "Well, I have a beautiful cock." I said, "Oh, I don't doubt that, but that's not for me to find out."

Yea... gotta watch what I say sometimes. Oops.