Australia is a wonderful country, although I've only spent time on it's east coast so I honestly can't speak for the whole continent. But I've yet to meet an Australian I didn't like, and yet to drink an icky Australian wine. And aren't koalas cute? Come on!
Australians (that I've encountered) are a sassy bunch, so today you get to read some real life questions and answers collected from the old Sydney Olympics website. I was in Sydney about six months before the event, while they were preparing like mad to bring the world to their doorstep. (After reading some of these questions, they may have had to rethink that. )
So here ya are, mate!
The
Here are some of the classic questions that were asked of the
Q: Does it ever get windy in
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
Q: Which direction should I drive -
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in
Q: I want to walk from
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
A: And accomplish what?
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (
A: I'm not touching this one...
Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...
Q: Can I bring cutlery into
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...
Q: Do you have perfume in
A: No. Everybody stinks.
Q: Do tents exist in
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and
most national parks...
Q: Can I wear high heels in
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...
Q: Can you tell me the regions in
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in
A: Yes. At Christmas.
Q: Can I drive to the
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Are there killer bees in
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Are there supermarkets in
A: Another blonde?
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in
A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in
Q: Which direction is North in
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between
Q: Are there places in
A: Yes. Outdoors.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
