Sexy Beasts

From Reuters: MTV Chief executive Tom Freston told reporters at a conference today that “there’s now going to be an FCC investigation into the nipple.”

That has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a long time. I love it when sex gets into the news, because we Americans are soooooo squeamish about that stuff. And who would have thought that such wholesome entertainers like Janet and Justin would ignite a new firestorm of talk about decency vs. indecency on television? I thought we’d only have our former President Clinton and the South Park kids to thank for getting stuffy old senators to talk about smut publicly.

It’s pretty ridiculous, I think, that people are kicking up such a big fuss. I was more freaked out to see Saddam’s dead sons on TV than Janet’s pasty. In other countries, you get to see more skin on the tube than we see Bush in the White House. We seem to have a penchant for the blood and gore though – oh no, nobody’s gonna have a nightmare after seeing a woman have her hands cut off by a lunatic or an alien rip out an astronaut’s insides on TV. That’s all make believe, you see. But if Bono accidentally says “fuck” in a moment of exuberance after winning an award, or someone’s (Paris Hilton) ass is hanging just a bit too far out of her dress, then watch out! The damage has been done. We’ve all had the images burned into our retinas, or our tender ears have been fried.

Recent screenings of the new Mel Gibson flick, basically re-enacting the stations of the cross, has garnered praise from Catholic organizations and even the Pope. Some Jewish organizations have expressed concerns that it’s anti-Semitic. Only recently, however, has the opinion been voiced that maybe it’s also just a tad too bloody… I haven’t seen it, but since I was brought up Catholic, I’m inclined to believe that's true. Mel keeps saying he wants to be completely faithful to his original source – the Bible. And if you haven’t read the Bible, let me just tell you that people get chopped up with swords and blades or eaten by lions or stoned all the darn time. The movie has earned an “R” rating, and there are actually people thinking that the violence may be a bit too unrelenting, and may frighten children who come with their parents for a truly religious movie experience. But no way is it headed to the forbidden land of the NC-17.

On the other hand, we have a new film coming out by Bernardo Bertolucci. That’s an automatic NC-17 right there. I mean, that guy did “Last Tango in Paris!” “Stealing Beauty!” (And “Little Buddha,” which should have gotten a NC-17 just for the horror of watching Keanu Reeves play Buddha while covered in mud-like body makeup.) It’s no secret that this Italian likes to make some sexy films, and “The Dreamers” is no exception. I guess it’s about a student from America who stays with a pair of kinky French siblings and they mess around. The reasons for the NC-17 rating are sexual content and full frontal male nudity. (That’s right, looking at a penis is gonna scar you for life. Yikes!) Bertolucci’s reaction? “An orgasm is better than a bomb.” Not if you want a bunch of people to see your movie.

So yea, I guess Janet is in some trouble, having now confessed to including the “costume reveal” (as opposed to the “wardrobe malfunction” we actually thought it was) into the act. Janet, don’t you remember how shocked people say they were when you were on the cover of Rolling Stone with nothing on but some jeans and your boyfriend’s hands?

It’s too bad that there are so many people freaking out over the fact that they saw that boob on TV, because the most important thing about that moment has been missed… Damn, she looked GOOD! I hope my breasts look that great when I’m her age!