I Left My Heart in San Francisco

All this gay marriage biz is freaking the shit out of our president and his wife, and I LOVE IT! Why can't gay and lesbian couples get married? I know a few gay couples who have been together longer than most of my friend's parents, and some with kids. To not allow same sex marriages is just dumb. Everyone should have the opportunity to get that little piece of paper and the chance to say those vows out loud and make it legal if that's what they want to do. Hell, it's already practically legal anyway in all those places that recognize civic unions, or whatever they call the marriage equivalent for gays & lesbians. And you know what? There's always divorce. If marriage needs to be protected so badly, then maybe our government should take a look at the massive divorce rate, or the fly by night Vegas weddings (hi, Britney!) and the prevalence of infidelity that trademark so many straight marriages. Just a thought.

And if you think they're gonna go to hell for it, let them. It's their choice. not yours. Guess I'll be partying with my boys in hell, and it'll be way more fun than heaven.

So go San Francisco, for doing it your way! And congratulations to all the couples who have been waiting for their moment and have finally been able to seize it. My dear friend Jefferson (a sassy boy with excellent taste in music) posted this email from friends on his blog, and I'm reposting it here because it made me so happy, I actually cried.

****************************************************
Dear friends,

We want to share with you the news that ---- and I were married at San Francisco City Hall on Monday, February 16, 2004. Because we haven't had a chance to share the details with many of you yet, and anticipating some questions about these, well, unusual wedding circumstances, here is some of how it came about and a couple of photographs are attached below. Forgive us for sending an impersonal email announcement, but events overtook our ability to send out something more classy.

Last Thursday we learned that San Francisco had begun marrying gay and lesbian couples. On Valentine's Day, we learned that a court challenge on the matter got continued until Tuesday, Feburary 18, and that the City would continue to marry couples over the weekend. Information was hard to come by. Some reports said that City Hall would be open on Valentine's Day only and friends warned that that the City could not process all the license applications and couples were being turned away, but we decided to seize what chance there was to get married in this potentially brief window of opportunity. On Sunday evening, we flew to Oakland, rented a car and drove to City Hall. Hundreds of couples were camped out to keep their places in line for a Monday ceremony. Some had been waiting outside for two days and they told us we'd need to camp out with them if we were going to get in the next day. A night on the sidewalk had not been in the plan. We left LA in the sunshine planning to stay the night with friends Todd or Ed and to go to City Hall in the morning. ---- had the sense to bring a sweatshirt, but I was in flip flops and a thin leather jacket. So we went to get ourselves some camping gear. Byron lent us sleeping bags, Todd lent sweat shirts and umbrellas, and we made it to Home Depot in Daly City just before closing to buy tarps. Back at City Hall, the line of couples in tents, ponchos and garbage bags stretched around the block. We took our place on the sidewalk near midnight, and got under the tarp in our sleeping bags as it started to rain. ----'s a great camper and managed to keep us dry, though there was nothing he could do when I rolled into a puddle and soaked my jeans.

When morning broke, the crowd formed a line of sorts to get married in the damp clothes we'd slept in. We were flanked by a couple of women from San Diego who were dressed even less prepared than we were. One wore plastic bags over socks in flip-flops. Another woman had spent the night on the pavement with her broken leg. We looked like refugees but could not stop smiling. Volunteers and others who were not getting married turned out to help and made the sweetest gestures -- one girl gave out Valentine's sweetheart candies to people in line because she could not think what else to do. Couples who had been able to get married the day before handed out umbrellas, coffee and donuts and plastic bags to keep our documents dry because they wanted us to get inside and have the experience they'd had. We got into the building before noon, and Best Men, Todd, Ed and Byron, managed to find us. Sheriffs and city staff volunteered their time that holiday weekend to give us the opportunity to get married. It was beautiful and humbling. Staff kept the lines moving with checks and double-checks of our paperwork and patient instructions on where to go and what to do next. When we they called our name and gave us our marriage license, and I saw our names on an official document, I was unexpectedly overcome. We were couple number 127. When we came out of the clerk's office with our license, the crowd cheered and officials said congratulations. The rotunda was packed with people getting married by deputized city officials in every corner. We were taken to Malia Cohen, a deputy of Mayor Newsom, who officiated our ceremony in the mayor's oak panelled office overlooking Civic Center plaza. We exchanged the vows she read us, not having time to write out own. We didn't have rings to exchange so we exhcanged kisses. ---- and each said, "I do" and we were married. It's not the ceremony we might have planned -- we might have shaved, for example, worn clean clothes and slept indoors the night before -- but those elements aren't what a wedding is about. I'm still awed by the love we felt from our friends and the community in that place, and the love I feel for ----, who slept on concrete in the rain so that he could marry me.

That night, Byron had a spur-of-the-moment reception for us at his place in San Francisco, and without any notice our friends dropeed everything and came to celebrate. It was perfect.
*******************************************

This made me sorry I don't live in the Bay Area anymore; I would have been proud to be passing out orange juice and croissants to all those cold, wet lovebirds.