Take This Job and...

I work for a Corporation. This Corporation has gone through lots of Hard Times, Fiscal Losses, Downsizing, and, eventually, was Sold.

Somehow, I kept my job. I was middlebrow enough to not get tossed out on my ass. Lots of people I know lost their jobs. After the Sale went through about a year ago, there was a meeting with the entire company. The CEO said to us, "Well, the sale has gone through, and now I just need you all to go back to your desks and wait for a call from Human Resources. By noon today (it was 9am), about a third of you will be gone. I'm sorry."

Welcome to the jungle, indeed.

Today was the farewell party for that particular CEO. It seems that he was also asked to go, and he probably knew about it for some time before the rest of the Corporation was told, but we plebians will never really know for sure. He was a nice enough guy, a total wheel in the business, and had to do some really shitty things while in charge. So I was only too happy to have free booze and caviar on his behalf at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

I have one story about this guy that I will share... I'm pretty easy to get laughing, and he figured it out very quickly. He'd always wander past my desk and say silly things and get me giggling. This made him happy. A little while back, I had some oral surgery, which made my face swell up like a balloon. While the swelling was going down, I got a black eye and other assorted bruises from both the surgery and the whole swelling business. I looked like I'd been hit by a truck. I did my best to cover it up... Some extra makeup here and there, shaggier hair, wearing my eyeglasses instead of contacts... But if you got close enough, you could see it. I also couldn't laugh or smile for almost 2 weeks (and I laugh and smile a lot) because my stitches would bust or I'd bleed or something. Sexy.

The CEO wandered up to me during this period (I had to be at work, sadly) and started cracking a joke. I covered my mouth and held out a hand: "No! You can't talk to me." He looked at me curiously, "Why not?" "Because you'll make me laugh and I can't laugh." Then he took a good look and said, "Oh my, what happened? Are you ok?" I replied, "Well, I was DJing at my friend's bar over the weekend, and I played something a customer didn't like and we sort of got into it. But you should see the other guy." He suddenly became very concerned. "Wow, that's too bad... What did you play?"

Then I started to laugh (painfully) and I said, "You don't believe me, do you?" His eyes got big and he said, "What? Well, you're a tough girl..." "Oh my God, I had oral surgery!" He slapped me on the shoulder and smiled real big. "Yea, but I bet you could still take him."

Good luck, buddy!