Thursday, April 21, 2005

Grimly Fiendish

Tomorrow I'm losing my fangs. Well, not really, but kinda. You see, I was born without the two adult teeth that go next to your front teeth. On top. As a result, my adult "fangs" (I think they are actually called eyeteeth) grew in that space instead, leaving my baby fangs there for an indefinite time. Well, I'm older, and the baby teeth have to go. Many dentists have wanted to correct this over the years, but I never thought it was a big deal, and really - people don't notice unless I point it out to them. Which I do. In fact, I'm having new baby teeth made, so my "new" teeth will be identical to the old ones. Yea, call me crazy (you wouldn't be the first), but I like my smile the way it is.

Over the years, these teeth have really caused me no trouble. The only people who ever comment are dental junkies like my sister, or goths. They - of course - think I had it done on purpose and that it's way cool. It doesn't help that I have all the Anne Rice books, or like Bauhaus, but whatever.

I suppose we are all evil and stuff. Like the folks who wrote this article say we are...

Religion: Is Your Child a Goth?

Was Salem Correct?


Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson
claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please
discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that
dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a
Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love.
Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to
evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friendswhile unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe
this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be
stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology,
Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these
problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Man, these folks would really hate my fangs.