Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Red Shoe Diaries

My downstairs neighbor has a girlfriend who hates me.

I didn't do anything, really. I just wear heels. Everyday. On hardwood floors.

Oh, come on... now you hate me too? You haven't even let me explain.

I am a notorious heel wearer. I "hike" in 2" boots. I take my daily walk at lunch in 3" stilettos in the summer. I go to the beach in 4" wedgies. Once I teased a boyfriend of mine who lives in Pasadena where the summer temperatures are scorching... "Don't you ever wear shorts?" He pointed at my feet and said, "Don't you ever wear flats?" Nailed.

I have also lived beneath someone else quite a few times. I've had those neighbors that always sound like they are moving furniture around at 4am, and the neighbor doing aerobics at 6am, and the neighbor with the blaring TV at any given hour. I am not that neighbor.

I am hyper conscious about the person who sleeps below me. I don't do much in my room except sleep, read, do my bills, and get dressed.

Here lies the problem.

At home, on my lovely hardwood floors, I generally wear slippers. I wear them in the morning, and I put them back on right when I get home. It's that 30 seconds before I walk out the door that causes the problem, you see.

One day when I had just gotten home from work, there was a pounding at the door. I knew it was a neighbor because we have a gated building, and there are only 4 units. I opened it to see a woman I had seen around, but wasn't sure where she belonged. She introduced herself and then said, "I try to sleep in the room under yours, but your heels always wake me up in the morning. I've tried earplugs and I'm an insomniac and once you wake me up, I can't go back to sleep." I said, "Well, I only put them on when I'm about to leave the house." "Can you just put them on outside? I can hear you walking down the hall and down the stairs, and it's really disruptive."

"Uh, no, I will not get dressed outside. I'll do my best to put them on in the living room, but that's the most I can promise you."

"Well, if we were bothering you and you told us, we would accomodate you."

"I think asking me to get dressed outside is a bit much. Besides, you don't even live here. All I can tell you is that I'm a zombie in the morning, and I will do my best to put my shoes on in the living room before I leave. Perhaps you should keep your earplugs in if any of the neighbors or myself decide to use our stairs to leave the building."

"Fine," she huffed, and went back inside.

This was about a month ago. I haven't seen her for a couple weeks, leading me to hope that my neighbor dumped her and I won't have to worry about her hypersensitve ears anymore. Who knows... I may have to start blowdrying my hair in the car or something. Geez.