Take This Job and Shove It

I work for a company that just laid off over 1000 of its employees. As part of the new Warner Music Group, the new owner claims this has to be done to make our company "agile and efficient." Whatever. I'm just bummed I wasn't one of the kids laid of - my job is borrrrrrrrrinnnnnng. And the severance package was pretty sweet, I heard.

One of my dearest (and now, I realize, oldest) friends did get the shaft though. He was kind enough to be bummed for me when I didn't get canned, but we were both bummed we couldn't go drinkin' at noon on a Tuesday. He sent out a clever farewell to folks, which I'm going to reprint here (hope you don't mind, Tim!).

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"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench; a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Dear friends, colleagues, acquaintances, et al, etc.

Today I lost my job, along with half of the Rhino/Warner Strategic Marketing A&R department, and hundreds of other Warner Music Group employees around the world. This is part of WMG's ongoing corporate "restructuring." This development was not unexpected. It's simply the reality of the recording industry ca. now.

I'm fairly certain that this will be a great opportunity for me to explore the myriad ideas that I've been mulling over on lunch breaks and long commutes for the two and a half years that I've been in the service of Rhino. My sadness is tempered with excitement over the possibilities the lay ahead. So don't cry for me, Argentina (or Cincinnati, or Norfolk, CT). I will survive and hopefully even prosper.

To those of you with whom I've toiled over the last few years (especially you freelance writers), you have my sincere gratitude and respect. My life has been enriched by your knowledge, professionalism and dedication to what you do. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

And in the Shameless Self-Promotion category, I'll tell you that my band's new record will be released nationally in early May. We're called Actionslacks. We'll probably be in a town near you by year's end. Come say hello if you're so inclined - it'd be nice to meet you.

I'll leave you with perhaps the ultimate musical account of corporate downsizing, The Jam's "Smithers-Jones," a song that documents my morning with remarkable accuracy. As for me, I'm going home to have a stiff drink and a long sleep. I think I deserve it.

Thank you and good luck,

Tim



Smithers-Jones
Here we go again, it's Monday at last
He's heading for the Waterloo line
To catch the 8 a.m. fast, it's usually dead on time
Hope it isn't late, got to be there by nine
Pin stripe suit, clean shirt and tie
Stops off at the corner shop to buy The Times
"Good Morning Smithers-Jones
How's the wife and home?
Did you get the car you've been looking for?"

Let me get inside you, let me take control of you
We could have some good times
All this worry will get you down
I'll give you a new meaning to life."
I don't think so

Sitting on the train, you're nearly there
You're part of the production line
You're the same as him, you're like tin-sardines
Get out of the pack, before they peel you back

Arrive at the office, spot on time
The clock on the wall hasn't yet struck nine
"Good Morning Smithers Jones
The boss wants to see you alone
I hope its the promotion you've been looking for
I hope its the promotion you've been looking for"

"Come in Smithers, old boy
Take a seat, take the weight off your feet
I've some news to tell you
There's no longer a position for you
Sorry, Smithers Jones."

Put on the kettle and make some tea
It's all a part of feeling groovie
Put on your slippers turn on the TV
It's all a part of feeling groovie
It's time to relax, now you've worked your arse off
But the only one smilin' is the sun-tanned boss
Work and work and work and work till you die
There's plenty more fish in the sea to fry

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Oh those were the days... Good luck, comrades!