Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Do the Mummy!

Halloween is upon us, and the Europeans are mad.

Why? What on earth is wrong with Halloween? It's my favorite holiday, but then again, I also love theme parties. The whole dressing up thing is fun, even if I can never, NEVER figure out what to dress up as. I have a bunch of wigs, so I usually slap one of those on and head out for the evening.

And I love carving up pumpkins. LOVE it. One year, I did about 8 of them, all in a cat theme, with a big white pumpkin as the centerpiece. I lived in a neighborhood of old cat ladies and they went batshit. They took pictures of them and asked if I had patterns, and then got all nutty when I said I did it freehand.

I also very much enjoy passing out candy to little (and bigger) kids. I really do. It's fun to make the older kids work for it - and I get a kick out of playing something creepy like Bauhaus or Nick Cave in the background all night and having the occasional parent identify it.

So the Europeans think the Americans are further invading their nations with our witches and candy and jack'o'lanterns and stuff. .. the mayor of Rankweil, a town near the border with Switzerland, has launched a one-man campaign disparaging Halloween as a "bad American habit" and urging families to skip it this year. By midweek, the mayors of eight neighboring villages had thrown their support behind the boycott. So had local police, annoyed with the annual Oct. 31 uptick in vandalism and mischief.

Ah well, that's too bad, but I understand. To each their own. I'm still waiting for the day when I get to Oaxaca or the island of Janitzio for some serious Day of the Dead action.

There's plenty of stuff to do here in LA this weekend, and here are some of the goodies. I wish I could attend them all...

Miss Kitty's Erotic Discoteque & Cabaret presents Halloweekend!

when: Fri 10.28 & Sat 10.29 (9pm)
where: Dragonfly (6510 Santa Monica Blvd, Hollywood)
price: $20 per night

One word of advice this Halloween weekend: Don't get into a drinking contest with a transvestite dressed as Tina Turner — you will lose. This is a lesson many have learned the hard way at Miss Kitty's. This consistently shocking club has enough John Waters-type sass, S&M drama, Mad Max fashion, and burlesque swagger to make you reconsider your sensible life choices. Redoubtable host Miss Kitty leads you through an entire weekend of post-apocalyptic, rockstar-style debauchery, including a Saturday performance by burlesque superstar Dita Von Teese. Bring your nipple clamps, squeeze into your latex, and be prepared to dance and drink whenever Miss Kitty says so.

Hollywood Forever's Day of the Dead

when: Sat 10.29 (4-11pm)
where: Hollywood Forever Cemetery (6000 Santa Monica Blvd, 323.469.1181)

The absolute coolest party in Hollywood... hell, they've even got vocalist of the undead Yma Sumac on board to sing as the sun goes down! How wild is that? The event features Jack Skellington look-alikes, tasty treats, Aztec dancers, and mariachis. While you're at it, check out the uber-creepy LifeStory kiosks and don't miss the "Women in Black" — they're self-appointed mourners for Rudolph Valentino.

Gomez & Morticia Addams Groove Up the Burgundy Room!

when: Sat 10.29 (10-2am)
where: The Burgundy Room, Hollywood
price: your immortal soul

Well, it ain't actually the Addams family, just me & my pal Iiad. But we'll be dressed up, and the bar will be in drag as well... as a ghost ship! So expect me to be a dead passenger from the Titanic or something, in a ball gown with blood dripping from me and seaweed in my hair, while spinning the likes of Bloc Party, the Supremes, X, BRMC, Ladytron, Joan Jett, the Descendents, and a whole lot of rock and roll. I guess we should throw in the Cramps, Bauhaus, the Cure, Siouxise, and Electric Frankenstein cuz, it's like, almost Halloween. Duh.

Get carving, you pumpkin killers!