My relatives aren't Amish (well, one uncle is actually Pennsylvania Dutch), but in regards to their modes of communication; they might as well be! It was very sprawling lawns, woods, deer, barns and the whole horse and buggy thing. My relatives live in Lancaster County, which includes those charming townships with names like Paradise, Bird-In-Hand, Blueball and Intercourse. You have to go through Intercourse to get to Paradise. Really.
A bulk of the movie "Witness" was filmed in Intercourse. This was the terrain of my holidays, which would have been quite nice except for the fact that A) I had The Flu and B) I am a city girl. So I was somewhat delirious and bored all at the same time. Perhaps if I had been in better health, I would have been able to enjoy myself. Instead, my relatives all think I'm a snob. Oh well, what can you do?
Relive the fun that got you in trouble in the first place!
I was lucky enough to have my brother and sister meet me in New York for a couple days before I was stricken with The Flu. They arrived Monday, after I had already Surrendered the Ass.
Sunday night, I was having a post Scissor Sisters duck meatloaf at a diner described to me as "hip and trendy" in the meat packing district near my friend's flat. I was being told how to handle snow: "It's worse once it has stopped snowing. Be careful when you walk around, because it will start to melt and freeze up, creating ice patches you really can't see. And when you fall, don't try to catch yourself by putting your hands out - that's how people break their wrists. Just let yourself fall - Surrender the Ass."
This was especially funny coming from two gay men, but we'll let that pass for now.
By 10am the next day, I was walking through the East Village on my way to Veselka for breakfast when I Surrendered the Ass. It was totally involuntary; my feet just went out from under me and I didn't even have time to potentially place my wrists in a boneshattering position.
Having survived that, living through the rest of the day was a cakewalk. Never mind that it was about 12 degrees the entire day, an unheard of temperature in this California Girl's past. My poor little sister had just returned from a 2 week vacation in Fiji, so she was in a bit more shock that I was. We hung out with a friend from Berlin (and her friend from Boston) and wandered around the Lower East Side in a thwarted attempt to get to Guss' while on a pickle hunt, had vegan cheesecake at Moby's Teany tea room (and how insane that it was extremely tasty cheesecake? And I love me some cheesecake!), visited with some specialized toys at Toys in Babeland, shopped for more specialized toys at Toy Tokyo, had some pizza at Ray's, went to Williamsburg to have dinner with Interpol's photographer (my brother knows everybody, I guess), and finally went home to thaw. We were assured by our New York friends (as well as the Berlin-ers and Boston-ers) that it was truly a cold, cold day, so we were quite proud of ourselves.
I didn't last much longer after that. A quick run of one of my favorite buildings, the Chrysler Building, the windows at Macy's, some Central Park and a visit with a friend (yo, Esme & Gary!I hope I didn't make you sick...)and I was out. While I faded in and out of consciousness, my brother and sister hit up the new MOMA and shopped H&M - two highlights my heart still aches about missing. At least I was around for the Pixies.
Next time, New York. Turn on your bright lights - I think you owe me one.
